Acceptance of abuse

Was doing some thinking about the tools used for abuse. There are really three major tools, with numerous minor ones.

The first tool is silence... an abuser wishes his victims to remain silent, so the abuse is not detected.

The second tool is acceptance. Acceptance makes the first tool easier.

The third tool is shame. Again reinforcing the first tool.

Often abuse victims are educated into believing things ar their own fault, when in truth they had no control over the situation.

Like my article on consent, if there is no effective means by which to deny 'consent' it cannot be consent. If there is no means by which to grant consent, it cannot be consentual. If there is no means by which to revoke consent, there is no consent.

Over the aeons, abuse has been seen thousands upon thousands of times. We look into history to judge the future, the patterns there are seen from beginning to end, as humans remain human, emotions remain the same, and politics and power follow the same patterns as they did a year, a decade, a century, or a millenium ago.

Abuse is abuse, whether abuse of a physical body, or abuse of a mind, or abuse of a people, or political body.

The question we must ask ourselves is: Do we have effective means of removing consent to our governance? Do we have effective means of giving that consent? Is that consent even required at this point to govern?

And have we been educated to take upon ourselves the blame, and shame of actions for which we could not offer, nor revoke consent?

I'm not talking about being registrants here, I'm talking about being Americans, and citizens of your arguably far less sovereign state. This is something that was a realization this morning, and one I need to think about, and need feedback on.

There are several major varieties of abuse, as well. There is assaultive abuse (direct physical action taken to abuse), emotional/psychological abuse (actions taken to control the emotions of a being, often paired with the physical), indifference, and overprotectionism.

Indifference can actually compose reasons behind the prior two, and is actually the most dangerous form of abuse. Indifference to a child's needs, wants, and emotions, indifference to their growth, and their achievements results in a child that cannot respect him or herself, or others. Indifference to a society's needs, wants, and emotions, also leads to an indifferent society.

Being overprotective, as well, can be a form of abuse. It is, in essence, taking someone and saying 'You have no knowledge of what is best for you, let me take care of you!'. It ultimately ends with people attempting to take care of others, regardless of what they want.

Proxying, as well, can be a form of this abuse, projecting one's own actions, feelings, or very being onto another, and dealing with them as though they were you, or a miniature version of you, and if only they knew what you know....

Abuse remains abuse, regardless of the cause, regardless of the apparently very valid reasons behind it.

If we cannot stand up and say 'this is abuse', then perhaps it is abuse. If we are not allowed to stand up and say 'I don't like this', then it is as well abuse. If we cannot question it, then it is abuse. If we cannot leave, then it is as well abuse.

Abuse is a method of control, nothing more, nothing less. It is designed to prevent growth, prevent exploration of self, and prevent investigation.

How many things in your life may be abusive? If an idea is valid, it should withstand scrutiny. If an idea is ethical, it must be ethical in all of its parts.

The ultimate test of faith is when it is questioned, and stands. The ultimate test of a country is when it is questioned, and answers the questions with honor, dignity, integrity, and truth.

Anything that cannot be talked about, cannot be questioned, cannot be looked at or discussed or even explored... someone is trying to hide something from you. Someone... is trying to control you.

Control can be both a good, and a bad thing. In children, it allows us to let them know that the iron is hot, that the stove is going to burn them, that the road is dangerous. We set out parameters, in healthy relationships, with knowledge of the consequences of actions, and discuss those boundaries.

In unhealthy relationships, it's generally more 'I said so' than explaining why. It is usually more 'Because I told you to' than education.

And real education, questioning, and investigation of self, the universe, and reality is what life is all about.

See also:

Consent, law, and Ethics.